It could happen


I mean, it could actually happen.

Today was the ultrasound to look for follicles, and Dr M called and we are good to go! We have one mature follicle (or to use her words one “perfect perfect follicle”) that she says looks ready to release any day, so we are supposed to try every other day for the next few days. We decided to try today and tomorrow and then go every other day. We know from research that sperm is at its best when it’s replenished every 1-2 days, so we decided to get the old, stale, sperm out today and then start fresh tomorrow.

But it could actually happen. It’s been 2 years and 3 months of hope and heartache, and we might finally be reaching the end. I’ve had this feeling in the back of my head for a few days that this is going to be it. This is when we are going to get our child. And so far everything is pointing that direction. And I just can’t shake the feeling that this is it.

I’ve only had that feeling a few times in my life, and each time it’s been right. It’s never based on logic or evidence, it’s just this underlying calm, peaceful feeling that fate is happening.

I just don’t want this to be the first time that feeling is wrong. We’ve been hurt so much in the past and it’s been such a long, hard journey and we are ready to be parents. But I don’t want to assume anything either. Just because the tests look good doesn’t mean that we will conceive. There are still so many things that can go wrong. Even if we do conceive, we might lose another baby. I don’t know how to handle that. I don’t think anyone knows how to handle that. But having a child will be worth all of this heartache.

I’m glad that Dr M is going to have the lab test for HcG on day 21. She had originally said to take a pregnancy test on day 30 and if it was negative to take the Progesterone, but I asked if they could run a panel for pregnancy when they do the day 21 blood work and she said yes. The lab will call her with the results. We could find out in 10 days! She seems really positive about how things are going for us, and she’s always been very forthcoming about the medicine and what it is telling her, so that makes me optimistic. She even said she can already see a smiling face on the follicle. This could happen. I pray that it happens. Please, God, let it happen.

 

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