Sad Relief


Yesterday actually was a very eventful day. Mom and my little sister Taylor (age 7) came up to visit me and the plan was that Taylor and I would go to a local children’s science museum while mom did her own thing. They got here a lot earlier than I expected and since the museum doesn’t have a food court we decided to walk to the local toy store and snoop for a bit before going to lunch together and then going our separate ways. The toy store was the first time I had been around people since I had my melt down, and I started to unravel. We stopped by the library on the way home so I could pee, and I also got to talk to Robby. It was so great to want to turn to him and not feel afraid to. To actually see him as a source of comfort was wonderful. We talked a bit and I decided to ask mom if we could change the plans and have all of us do something together that wasn’t the museum. Mom completely understood and explained to Taylor that being around so many kids and babies was going to be too hard on me (Mom had explained to Taylor why I was having such a hard time). Taylor was a little bummed but I promised we would reschedule our museum day, and when I suggested we go play with puppies at the puppy store she cheered right up.

I dropped the car off to Rob (I forgot to tell him I was doing that so soon and I kind of threw him off. I felt bad that I didn’t communicate that I meant I was bringing him the car NOW, but I’m glad he mentioned something so that I know how he felt) and Mom, Taylor and I headed to the puppy store. I was still calming down from my panic and accidentally sent us the wrong way (mom was driving) but we just took a detour and it all worked out.  We decided to each pick a puppy to play with. Mom chose a teensy Yorkie who trembled the whole time he was with us. Taylor picked a dachshund who was a little sweetie pie. She was the color of butterscotch chips and had the biggest ears and the tiniest little legs, I don’t think they were more than an inch and a half long. Her tail was wagging the whole time and she had so much energy! I picked the Rottweiler that I had played with last week but he was very wound up and Taylor was a little scared of him because he was so big, so we didn’t play long. I really think puppy therapy is one of the most effective ways to feel better.
We went to lunch, stopped by Hobby Lobby, and then went to the theater to see Planes 3D (pretty much the same basic movie as Cars, but still good. Taylor was SO EXCITED that it was in 3D and she was amazed at how big the theater was and that we had it all to ourselves. About halfway through the movie Dr M called me, so I went out of the theater to answer (reception was horrible and my phone was (of course) dying). She said that the blood work did show that I ovulated, and she was getting ready to give me instructions for the coming month when I told her that we had decided to stop trying, at least for now. She paused and asked if everything was okay, and I told her how we had been trying for 2 long years and our relationship had started to suffer and we wanted to take the time to rebuild before adding another family member. Dr M said that she thought that was a very smart move. That when we strengthen us we can come back to her and strengthen our relationship even more with a baby. She asked if there was anything she could do for us, and that if we needed anything then to call her. She also said she will continue to pray for us. I was so touched by her genuine concern. Through everything we have been through she has been so personally invested and has shown that she truly cares about her patients. I am so glad she is my doctor.
Well, we aren’t pregnant. Actually, the dr said there still is a small chance since the blood test was done so early, but Rob and I have decided not to test unless my period is very late. But the point is that Rob and I can actually take the time to rebuild our relationship. For once, we got the simpler option (yay). We talked a lot yesterday about how we feel about that news and we both agreed that we are sad but relieved. Sad because we do want to be parents, but relieved that we can give our full attention to us.
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