It’s not like we’ve had a bad week. It’s actually been pretty quiet, which is nice, but I think that is part of why I am feeling so antsy. We have made these decisions in order to have calm time to work on our issues and our marriage and I think that is really intimidating to me. I’ve spent so long avoiding my issues that now being faced with the prospect of addressing them scares the bejeezes out of me. I know this is something that I need to do. I know that in the end it will be worth it. I just wish I wasn’t scared. I wish it was stuff that I could tackle right now and be done with by next week.
But it’s not. And one of the issues I need to work on is accepting that things take time.
It’s just so frustrating though. I don’t feel like I really have anything of value or purpose to fill my time. Yes, I take care of the house and while I do love that, it doesn’t take any real brain power. I wish I could take a class. I know that the classes at church are going to be starting up again soon and I would love to take one, but part of me wants more of a challenge. If it was a class on the history of the Bible, or something more in-depth like that then I would jump at it. Maybe I can audit an online class? The thing is, I don’t feel right paying for a class to take it just for fun. At least, not if it is ridiculously expensive. Maybe I will look into that. Edison and Sinclair are both fairly close, maybe they offer classes to the general public. It would be nice to have something to work for.