Yesterday I was so giddy with the fact that the image of the abuse was fading. It’s an amazing feeling. And it still is faded, but it’s a little clearer than it was yesterday. Ever since my EMDR appointment yesterday I’ve been bringing up the image and the thought “It’s over, I am safe now” at random times. Kind of like picking at a scab. I want to make sure it’s healed. I need to test it. Reassure myself. Well earlier today I was lying in bed and brought it up again in my mind, and it wasn’t so reassuring. The image wasn’t super sharp, but I could feel his hand on my arm, which is very alarming. I still know and believe that It’s Over and I am Safe, but I would say it’s a 6 now. I don’t have that ‘want to shout it from the roof-tops’ confidence, and when I bring up the image, it is slightly disturbing again, probably a 5/10. I don’t know if this is normal and it will take a few sessions for the truth to stick permanently, but it’s a little disappointing. Especially to have felt that euphoric sense of release and now for it to be fading. I know that over time that sensation will fade, and I am fine with that, I just don’t want it to be replaced with the disturbing memory of his hand on my arm.
I guess I will bring this up to Lori next week when we talk. Do any of you have any insights into this? I could really use some advise and/or personal insights.