Some Of It Is Starting To Come Back


Yesterday I was so giddy with the fact that the image of the abuse was fading. It’s an amazing feeling. And it still is faded, but it’s a little clearer than it was yesterday. Ever since my EMDR appointment yesterday I’ve been bringing up the image and the thought “It’s over, I am safe now” at random times. Kind of like picking at a scab. I want to make sure it’s healed. I need to test it. Reassure myself. Well earlier today I was lying in bed and brought it up again in my mind, and it wasn’t so reassuring. The image wasn’t super sharp, but I could feel his hand on my arm, which is very alarming. I still know and believe that It’s Over and I am Safe, but I would say it’s a 6 now. I don’t have that ‘want to shout it from the roof-tops’ confidence, and when I bring up the image, it is slightly disturbing again, probably a 5/10. I don’t know if this is normal and it will take a few sessions for the truth to stick permanently, but it’s a little disappointing. Especially to have felt that euphoric sense of release and now for it to be fading. I know that over time that sensation will fade, and I am fine with that, I just don’t want it to be replaced with the disturbing memory of his hand on my arm.

I guess I will bring this up to Lori next week when we talk. Do any of you have any insights into this? I could really use some advise and/or personal insights.

 

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5 thoughts on “Some Of It Is Starting To Come Back

  1. I think it’s best to bring this up with Lori.
    For me EMDR is very different, because EMDR with complex multiple trauma takes other steps.
    I heard about other people’s experiences, though, that EMDR for them works like magic. They feel wonderful, leaving the therapist’s. After the flow comes a little down (maybe that’s what you’re experiencing here?) and it just needs time to be able to hold a steady new image and a steady sense of self.
    Because this is not my first hand experience I can only tell you to speak things through with Lori.
    Don’t be afraid. You’ll do ok! 🙂

    Take care

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    • I really hope so. I’ve had more memories come back, ones that I didn’t even know I had. And others have been kind of dancing on the edges of my mind. I’ll get flashes or impressions but when I try and focus on them they fade away. This is awful. I just keep holding onto the idea that I know it will get better. Thank you for your advice/insight. I will definitely tell Lori.

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  2. Well, I can relate to the memories coming back. The memories are already there but you’ve put them away deep. When EMDR creates more space in your head, because the material you were more aware of is processed, these memories will come into picture. It is natural. See it as a deeper layer of your trauma. Tell yourself it is what it is. You already survived. This is nothing you can’t handle.
    I know it’s awful, but you can do this. Remember how safe and good you felt after your session. You will be able to feel this way after processing these memories as well. It’s as emtying a bucked with a cup, but it will get empty eventually.

    Take care

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