Asking for Advice (Please)

I know what it is like to be terrified of your abuser.

In all honesty, I am still terrified of mine. And I’m a little scared of my neighbor because of that residual fear of my abuser, so I completely understand the fear she is living with every moment. I just keep praying she finds a way to leave and/or get help.

If I knew her, I would talk to her about making a safety plan and tell her my story and encourage her to get help, but I don’t even know her name. And I worry that her husband would be suspicious if all of a sudden I start talking to her. Plus, neither of them work, and if she isn’t with her husband then she is with their son, so I don’t even know if I could get her alone.

I just don’t want to do anything to make the abuse worse for her. Should I try and talk to her? Which would be better, risk bringing his wrath on her by talking to her, or wait and hope I can catch him abusing her on tape? I know she has to be the one to press charges, but if I can get it on tape, then I have proof to show the cops and maybe that will help (?).

Please, advice. I can’t just keep waiting, wondering if each sound I hear from next door is his next strike, her next cry.


2 thoughts on “Asking for Advice (Please)

  1. I cannot give you much advice as I really do not know how to proceed. It is a tough situation and I am not a professional. I really feel for the situation – I lost my aunt in a domestic violence situation as she was killed by her husband, so it is scary when it happens. I would really suggest calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline – 1-800-799-7233 ( They can probably give you a lot more advice on what you can do and might benefit her the most or put her/you in more danger if you do it.


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