I’ve always been hesitant to share my writing.
Mostly, because it makes me feel too vulnerable. I don’t want people to know my inner thoughts. It’s hard to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with my husband and my therapist, let alone anyone else. I started working on that a year ago when I created this blog, because for some reason it felt easier to share with complete strangers than with my family and friends. Probably because they never knew the false ‘me’ that I portrayed to everyone else. I don’t have to answer their questions, explain myself.
And I’ve always been afraid of that. That I will have to justify myself. My story. What if people do question my story? What if they don’t believe me? What if they still think that I’m lying?
Through talking about it to Lori, I’ve realized that there are always people who are going to be hateful and negative, but it would upset me much more if my writing was criticized. Because I know my story is true. The people who matter know that my story is true. The people who need to hear my story, will know that it is true.
And while I still struggle to keep that in my mind–that it doesn’t matter what they say about my story–I am much more focused on whether or not my writing is impacting the people who read it.
Emily is going through a rough situation, and she told me that she had been writing to try and process everything. We decided to exchange writing as a way to support each other and keep in touch since we don’t get to see each other often. So I gave her my blog. And this is the conversation we had the other day via text
Me: I’ve been reading the quotes you’re posting on your Pinterest board and I just wanted to say hi and I love you. I’m proud of you for being so reflective. In situations like this it’s always easy to say “its their fault” and ignore how much you’ve been hurt. Good for you for taking care of yourself. Love you
Emily: Laura, you are so wonderful. Thank you for the words of encouragement. It helps so much. I’ve read a lot of your blogs. I really love the one titles Losing Myself. Your writing is so beautiful.
Me: Aw thank you. That means so much to me. It really does.
Emily: You’re welcome! Honestly you could write a book
Me: I really hope to turn my writing into a book someday, about my journey from being abused, to being trapped by the PTSD, and now to working with therapy to break free from the PTSD. When you get a chance, read the About Me, Why I Write, and Dedication pages on the blog. It’s got a lot there about what I want to do with my writing.
Emily: Your book would truly be a bestseller. Ok, I’ll read more tonight. It’s really therapeutic.
Me: Em it means so much to hear that. You’re the first person other than Rob and my therapist I’ve shared my writing with, and your kind words mean so much to me. All I’ve ever wanted from my writing was to help someone else. Thank you
Emily: Well I should be thanking you. Thank you for sharing with me, and for your support! You’re awesome.
I want to change peoples’ lives through my writing. I want to help someone. And the response from Emily was the most positive, affirming response I could imagine. When I was reading her text, I actually teared up. All I have ever wanted was to use my writing to help someone else, and the fact that she said it was therapeutic just touched my heart. It made me realize that even though it is hard to expose my soul through my writing, it is the right thing to do, and someday–if I do get my book published– it will help others.