I am just so down-hearted. This most recent revelation about the trauma has really hit me hard and I feel so broken. I don’t want to face the world right now. It’s all too fresh, too raw. I’m still mourning the full depth of the betrayal. The reality of what was taken from me, what he did to me.
And I just don’t know how to compartmentalize that when all I want to do is cry. But I have to live my life. I have responsibilities. The dishes need done, the checkbook needs balanced, I have to go grocery shopping, and I work tomorrow at 6am. And I just want to watch Disney movies and eat ice cream.
I wish Robby was awake. Talking to him helps me figure things out so much. I know I need to take care of myself, but I feel so guilty putting everything off. And to be honest, I don’t see how just one afternoon is going to help. I guess that it’s just a matter of perspective and balance. I have to live my life, and I have to take care of myself. So I will do what I need, and I will take care of myself. I’m probably going to do the very little, but I’m not going to do nothing. I can do little spurts of life in between hiding from the world.